did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
