She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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