remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
