I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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