i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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