Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
