im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
