Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
They are going to name an STD after you.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
