I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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