I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do vagina's smell?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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