even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
