Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
