Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
