The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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