this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
