oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
