I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
no you cant smoke seaweed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
