you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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