so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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