I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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