Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
