Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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