his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
