if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
