Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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