You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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