At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
