Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
