If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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