just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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