thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
