mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
