is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
