i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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