I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
