You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
