they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
