I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
