he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
