Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
