I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
