its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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