i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
