You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
