dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
