what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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