I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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