My pussy is not your playground.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
