This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
