Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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