He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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