Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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