You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
