Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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