I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
