after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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