Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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