Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
