this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
