Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
