oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
