So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
