her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i now understand why vodka
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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