I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
