I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
