There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
