The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
